Is it because I queefed?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
