oh god the rape fog is back!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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