Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
