I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
