I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
