is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
