ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you would pick up someone in the library
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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