I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
