i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
