i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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