idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
