I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
