guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
