Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize