I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
