Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
