dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize