is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
