this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
