Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
