He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
