Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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