Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
