If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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