now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
