his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
