i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize