He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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