I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
