Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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