Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
