I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
