toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize