So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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