So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
