i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
