Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
