My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
