What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
