I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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