dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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