I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
