Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
