Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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