Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Last time i carry you out of a forest
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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