Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
