my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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