quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
