So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
