Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
