Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
