I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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