I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
