walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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