he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize