I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
