me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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