On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
