JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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