I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
