come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
