you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
