Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
