be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
