no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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