You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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