I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
