When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
