Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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