I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
