did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize