we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
