4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
