My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have post one night stand depression
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