She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
