how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
