One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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