I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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