I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
