If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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